However, there are some days, like this morning, that I wake early with no set purpose or agenda, except to enjoy the stillness of my house to become grounded in my day and clear out the administrative tasks I must complete before the rest of the house wakes. I remember as a child always wanting to wake early but being told it was too early and go back to bed. My inner child no longer has those restrictions so I honor my inner clock and wake when my body is ready. I have such clarity at this hour about dreams to finish, tasks to be done and thank you notes I have to write. I'm so grateful that my body is works this way so I can have the time to focus on what I need to complete before the 3 wee ones wake and need to have their demands met. So today, I write.
Since my house is so quiet on these mornings and usually is a symphony of 5 talkative personalities, I've found time to read. Wow, for a mom with 3 kids that is quite a statement. Recently I finished reading The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown a guide to wholehearted living. My "new" yoga instructor (because I feel in my heart I will only ever have 1 true yoga instructor in Rebecca Pacheco) quoted the book in a recent class. Which paragraph he quoted exactly I still cannot remember. I have a terrible memory for that type of recalling, always have, probably always will. But the overall gist of what he said about resilience and the body's ability to be resilient even in the most difficult times, inspired me to Amazon Prime that book right over to me!
As I read the entire book, cover to cover in less than a week (which again, for this busy mama is amazing), I felt as if someone had been watching over me in the past 10 years documenting everything I have been through on my personal journey into her book. She uses 10 pillars as her guideposts of living a wholehearted life and for the first time, I finally felt connected to way I've been trying to live, and now do, and what I have been trying to express to my friends about the ways in which I've shifted my thoughts around compassion, connection and courage. Balancing the 3 Cs creates a life of wholehearted living, no doubt about it. But getting to that point, is not as easy as flipping a switch. The painstaking journey of recognizing things that get in the way, letting go of perfectionism and realizing that shame, fear, and vulnerability drive so many of our actions unconsciously is a journey that we must endure to become truly living with our whole body.
I never had much gratitude for anything in my life before starting to practice yoga and gardening, two activities that bring my soul so close to the earth it sometimes makes me cry. Growing up, we were always fighting an uphill battle of keeping the lights and heat on, that we never took the time to be grateful and thankful for what we did have. And we had so much, but it was never enough - or I was taught to think that way. The emptiness that I felt when I arrived at college was unimaginable. But I remember being so thankful that day when I moved in that I no longer had to feel sadness constantly. It was a very long car ride to Boston that September day, but I distinctly remember feeling a sense of relief that my life was about to begin. And it did. Yoga became a necessary pillar in my life and the act of forgiveness, gratefulness and resilience made me cry, laugh and smile every practice for years.
And so whether you are already living a wholehearted life or know that you need to be, I encourage you to read the book and begin the journey. It will awaken you to a place you never knew you were not before and a place you never want to return. Be grateful. Be alive. Awaken.
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